Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
These tits shall not be calmed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
