I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
