guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
