so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ttyl tear gas
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
