We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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