Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
