I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
