3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize