hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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