I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sext me about skeletons
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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