theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
