First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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