I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
