The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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