I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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