I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
