My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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