My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She is in my trunk
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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