So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
