you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my poor anus
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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