Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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