There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
