Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
