dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
