I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
