just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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