Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
