HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
