It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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