just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
