umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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