I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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