You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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