Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
