ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
