It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
