News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
