After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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