i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
