was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
