Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize