I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
