yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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