i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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