tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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