I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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