it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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