well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
