i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
