That's intense
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
