He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
