I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
