he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
