Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish i was in the wii world.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
