Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
