So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize