I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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