Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
