Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
