with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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