id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
