hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
