you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
