I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
