On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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