I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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