When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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