dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
