Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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